Vaginismus? Disgusted after ?

I have no idea. I have a similar problem, I was molested when I was a kid though, so I'm sure that is part of my problem. I always tense up and my boyfriend can't really me fully, in fact it usually hurts and we have to stop. I've never had an with him, he tries, but I never let myself "go" when he's touching me, I end up trying to avoid pleasure. I know this isn't really an answer to your question, but maybe it will help if you know you're not alone.